Good morning!
Today it was placed on my spirit to talk about a time in my life when things were upside down and I was on the path of destruction but this was also the time that I had to be broken in order to truly be used by GOD. Bear with me. This will be lengthy but I have to speak about it.
In 2012, at this time my mom had been laid off for a few months. My aunt was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I applied for nursing school at my current university. I finally got a letter back but it stated that was denied. I was devastated. I would have to wait another semester before I could apply to nursing school again. Which meant I would have to take unnecessary classes that had nothing to do with what I wanted to do in life. I couldn't understand why all these things were happening. Near summer break, my stepdad was laid off. Also at this time, my relationship with my dad was on and off. So many things were happening and I just didn't know what to do or how to handle it. I've been to church since I was young. Yes, I loved the Lord but did he have my heart? Honestly no!
Fall 2012, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer in August. School started back and I began to drink a lot. I would attend almost every single kickback my friends or more so acquaintances had. Now at this time I was still making good grades but I was making horrible choices when it came to guys and my social life. I had a guy friend that I became interested in. So we started to get closer. Things seem to be fine. In October, my aunt passed away after being diagnosed just 8 months earlier. She was taken away from us and my heart was broken. I had to immediately go to Chicago. I reached out to my guy friend and we spoke once the whole time that I was there. I was so angry. How could he say he cared and even be my friend and not be there for me during this time. Once I returned to school, he completely ignored me. My friends could see I was hurting but he would never say why or give me an explanation.
*Side note, I didn't know at the time that GOD was trying to remove him from my life. He wasn't a bad person but he wasn't in GOD's plan for me. Also that I can't depend on any man for what only the Lord can provide to me. I've already been made whole and complete by GOD!*
So I continued to drink even more after this. One day my friend and someone I use to date pulled me aside. Straight up asked me, "why am I doing this? This is not you at all Ebony. Something has to be going on. You have to talk and let it go." I didn't realize how many things I was holding on to and trying to control the situation when I honestly knew that I couldn't. I cried so much that night but that is day I gave my life fully to GOD. At this point, I could only depend on GOD and that is exactly where GOD wanted me to be!
I truly believe as believers and followers of Christ we have to be transparent about our lives otherwise other people will think we have it all together or that GOD was not involved. He deserves all the honor and glory! He has open my eyes to things that I could never even imagine. I'm so grateful and thankful. So when people say I'm a grandma lol. It doesn't offend me because if they only knew my story then they would understand how I feel when it comes to going out, partying and drinking and even courting. In order for me to stay in GOD's will and on the path he has for me, I had to do things differently.
I had to show him that I could be trusted even in the little things. That I could show love, kindness and compassion to someone else even in the midst of my storm and uncomfortable seasons. It has not always been easy. I think about what Paul stated in Romans 7, "that when I want to do right evil lies close at hand." The closer we get to GOD and doing the things he needs us to do the more we will see opposition, distractions, interruptions, etc. But we must remain strong in Jesus Christ always!
I hope you're able to take something away from my story today. Hope you have a wonderful day and week. Love you
