Why I haven't posted a blog in 9 months..
So let's back track, I started in a new career earlier this year. Well technically in the same field but just a different type of nursing. GOD opened the door for me to becoming a NICU nurse which I wanted to be since high school. So I started a new job position, already had a PRN job, in a GOD centered relationship, moved into a new place and got more involved at my church. When I say I was busy, I feel like saying busy was an understatement. I started slowly distancing myself from making time for GOD, his word and to just be in his presence. To be able to hear from GOD. At first, it wasn't noticeable. I would read my bible and devotional every day to every other day to maybe 2-3 times a week. Let's not even talk about praying. I would pray throughout the day but actually starting my day with prayer was rare if not at all.
I didn't really realize what was happening till June that I was not hearing from GOD. I was spiritually drained and empty. I was so caught up in what I had to do or thought I needed to do. As well as focusing more on serving instead of being in GOD's presence daily and seeking GOD first! Isn't it funny how we think that if we serve GOD by doing this and that, then that must be enough? I mean in his word it says faith without works is dead. So I was focused on the works of the ministry but how could I truly be an effective contributor to the ministry if I wasn't being refueled by GOD. The one who chose me. The one who has given me these gifts and talents. The one who continues to love me unconditionally in spite of my sinful and rebelling nature.
Even through the mist of my "service", I was getting emptier and emptier each day. I wasn't getting adequate sleep or rest. Plus I was having a hard time saying no to things because I wasn't seeking GOD first for clarity and direction before agreeing to do something. No connection. No spiritual discernment. No refueling. No intercession for others. I was not equipping myself in the whole armor of GOD to be able to fight spiritual battles. Too focused on the physical ones and not the ones unseen. Funny how we forget to do that even in minor or everyday decisions. We go to GOD with the "big" stuff but the "little" stuff we think we can handle. But GOD has a plan for each and every one of our lives. He knows every move we will make and when we will do it. How could I not seek him first in every decision that needed to be made? How could I not pray about those things? Instead I had to deal with certain things because I placed myself in those situations not GOD.
This ultimately led to more stress. My face started breaking out and I still was not getting enough rest or sleep. Something had to change but honestly I wasn't even sure where to start. I was literally wrestling with myself about how I got to this point and how could I turn this around. One night I finally broke down and cried out to GOD for direction. At the time, I was going back and forth regarding a decision that needed to be made. I knew what I needed to do but I also did not want to fall through on what I said I was committed to. Honestly I was tried and working like crazy lately. I really just needed to rest. I needed to stick to my original plan that would allow me to rest and for my mind to be at peace.
So that's what I did. Ever since that day, I've been able to get adequate rest and sleep and have more energy to do the things that GOD needed me to do. GOD gave me strength that only he could provide. I was trying to do things on my strength alone which is nothing compared to GOD's mighty strength. It finally came time to take my 9 day vacation from work of any kind and spend time with my boyfriend and my family. To be able to sleep in for a change and actually feel rested. I must say sometimes I don't even know what I need but GOD knew I needed this time to just relax and breathe. To understand that GOD is in control and that I need to completely surrender every single thing to him each and every day. I have to surrender to him daily to stay away from those old habits and temptations.
Sometimes we get so caught up on being on a time table or scheduling time with GOD but I believe it should be free flowing and not so much of a routine. It has to be a two way street and often times our relationship with GOD equates to a one-way street relationship - we ask, we talk, we cry, we beg, we talk about ourselves the whole time, etc. Have we at least told GOD thank you for everything. For giving us his son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. For forgiving us every single day for sins we commit even the ones we are not aware that we are committing. For loving us unconditionally and always providing our needs. For his grace and mercy. Can you for one day just pray to GOD by giving him praise and thanking him throughout the day with no mention of yourself? Can you pray about other people for one day without the mention of yourself or your problems?
I'm reminded of this scripture:
Ecclesiastes 5 - It states, "As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouth shut. It is evil to make mindless offerings to God. Don’t make rash promises, and don’t be hasty in bringing matters before God. After all, God is in heaven, and you are here on earth. So let your words be few. Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool. When you make a promise to God, don’t delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him. It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it. Don’t let your mouth make you sin. And don’t defend yourself by telling the Temple messenger that the promise you made was a mistake. That would make God angry, and he might wipe out everything you have achieved. Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead (NLT)."
I choose to reflect on this scripture daily when I enter into worship, praise and prayer time with GOD. I hope my testimony will encourage you and remind you today that GOD is still in control and that he will never forsake you even when we fall short of his glory! I love each and every one of you. Have a great weekend!
GOD bless!
Ebony
